PACER support groups offer a safe, confidential
environment where persons within the adoption triad can
come together to share with and learn from each other.
Unlike a therapy group or one-on-one therapy where there
is an “expert” in control, a support group gives its
members the possibility of finding their own ways out of
their difficulties, thus experiencing the empowerment of
their own healing.
The following ground rules were created in order to make
our meetings safe and supportive for everyone
participating.
►
Support group meetings
begin on time.
In order to make the
most of our brief time together, our support groups
begin promptly.
If you wish to enter
a meeting that is already in progress, please do so as
quietly as possible so as not to disturb the group’s
concentration, or that of the person who is speaking.
The facilitator will acknowledge your presence and
welcome you between speakers.
If you know ahead of
time that you will be late, why not call your group’s
facilitator to let her/him know, so that speaking time
may be allotted for you at the beginning of the meeting.
PACER values your individual process and what you have
to share.
► Support
group meetings create a safe space for all participants.
In order to create a safe
and supportive environment, participants shall not attend
PACER support group meetings under the influence of alcohol
or illegal substances.
►
Each meeting begins with a
welcome and brief around-the-room introductions.
Please tell
us:
1)
Your name
2) Your place in the triad or
interest in adoption
3) Your length of time with PACER
4) If you are (or are not)
involved in a search or reunion
5) If you are an adoptive parent:
• the age(s) of
your child(ren)
• whether their
adoption(s) are open or closed
Example: “My name is
Joy. I’m a birthmother. I met my son nine months ago
and we have a good relationship. I’ve been a member of
PACER for two years.”
►
Every person is guaranteed
equal time to speak.
PACER values what you
have to say and believes that everyone present will learn
from you and from hearing about your individual “process.”
Meeting time will be divided equally according to the
number of persons present.
If you would prefer to
just listen, we honor that as well.
►
We ask that there be no
questions or cross-talk while someone is speaking.
PACER support group
meetings offer their participants a rare gift: the
opportunity to be really heard by a roomful of people who
seek to understand the adoption experience. Your time is
your own to enjoy our undivided attention.
► We
do not offer advice or feedback unless it is specifically
requested.
If you feel really stuck
on an issue and want to hear from others, please ask. Your
allotted time is your own to use as you wish.
When asking for input, it
is a good idea to be specific, e.g. “I’d like to hear from
adoptive parents about how they felt when…”
You may also indicate
that you’d like to talk with others following the close of
the meeting.
► Confidentiality
is assured. Each meeting’s content is held in the strictest
confidence.
Many PACER members have
experienced a lifetime of secrecy in regard to their
adoption triad status. Our meetings are often the first
and/or only public setting in which this information is
revealed. For this reason, it is very important to keep
what is shared in groups in confidence. Only when
confidentiality is assured can our meetings be supportive
and truly safe for all.
► Meetings
end at their prearranged time.
This makes it easier for
members to plan their schedules ahead of time.
If you will need to leave
before the meeting’s end, please let the facilitator know so
that you can be one of the earlier speakers. Your voice is
important!
► The
facilitator should be notified beforehand if you plan to
bring a guest.
Please let the
facilitator know in advance who will be attending.