Ten Things Birthparents
Should Keep In Mind
By Sara Vick
Nugent, 1996
- Remember
that your birthson is your son forever, and your
birthdaughter is your daughter forever, despite
the time and distance that separate you.
- Due
to lack of communication in closed adoption, the
authority of adoption workers tends to take on
mythic proportions. Don't let any social
worker intimidate you. You have the right
to know non-identifying information.
- Being a birth parent can
make you feel completely isolated. Reading
adoption-related books and attending support
groups can help a great deal. If you're
not comfortable with the first support group you
attend, find another, or start your own.
- Keep in mind that through
searching, you are preparing yourself to meet
your grown child. He or she is the one
being found, and it may feel scary and confusing
at first since they are not prepared. Not
getting an immediate response isn't necessarily
rejection. It is a period of adjustment
and growth.
- Just as you need closure
and healing from closed adoption, so does your
child. An adoptee has the right to ask you
about medical histories or relatives and the
name of the other birthparent.
- Try your best to prepare
for any possible outcome. The adoptive
parents may have had children of their own, or
they may be deceased. There is always the
slight chance your son or daughter was never
told about the adoption. He or she may
have fit in very easily, or may have always felt
like an outsider.
- Do your own search if
possible. You will gain confidence and a
sense of empowerment.
- There are support groups
for those who grew up adopted. Offer to
help your birthchild find one that's right for
her or him. They will have some issues
that only other adoptees can fully understand.
- Separating a new mother
and her infant is a completely unnatural act.
You must face and accept the pain this caused.
Get all the help that you need. It was a
traumatic event that cannot be forgotten.
- Try to think of yourself
as a survivor, not a victim.
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