Ten Things Adoptees
Should Keep In Mind
By Damsel Plum
- There are
many, many different ways to search. The
first step is registering with the free
International Soundex
Reunion Registry. Next find out
all you can about your adoption and searching.
Join an support group and go about your search
methodically.
- Searching
has nothing to do with gratitude or lack of it.
Adoptees search for a variety of reasons, from
wanting medical history to wanting to know their
biological and ethnic heritage because they
themselves are starting a family. Many
adoptees begin to search in earnest when they
[have lost an adoptive parent]. On the
other hand, some adoptees choose not to search
for a variety of reasons, from a simple lack of
curiosity to a fear that they will somehow
disrupt their birthparents' lives. The
fact is, many birthparents welcome reunion, and
even when they don't, there is usually some
birth relative who does.
- Even if you are not
interested in searching, you may want to find
out as much about your adoption as possible
should you ever need to search for medical,
family, or other reasons. You can ask your
parents for information and get non-identifying
information about your birthparents from the
agency through which you were adopted.
- Once adoptive parents
understand that searching has nothing to do with
wanting another set of parents and is not a
rejection, they will usually be supportive of
your search. They are an invaluable
resource in helping you and you will feel better
with their support. A good idea might be
suggesting that they read some books that
include stories of adoptive parents who have
helped their kids search.
- If you want to search,
read as much as possible about search: how
to, why, others' experiences, reunion.
Join an adoptee support group. Get
educated. This will help you to execute
the most effective search possible and to be
prepared emotionally for what it entails.
- When adoptees search,
some find themselves dealing with abandonment
issues they never knew were there. There
are plenty of books and adoptee support groups
to help you through the sometimes confusing
feelings which can arise during the search.
- There are as many
different kinds of reunions as there are kinds
of adoption. There is no telling whether
you and your birthparents will get along,
whether they are still alive, whether they will
want a relationship. In almost all
reunions, however, the adoptee finds some
relative to relate to, be it the birthmother, an
uncle, sibling, or cousin. Most adoptees
who have unsuccessful reunions are glad they
searched and finally have the information they
sought.
- Sealed records laws were
originally purported to protect the adoptee from
the "embarrassment" of his/her "illegitimate"
birth. The records are still sealed
because there are people who stand to benefit
from closed records, especially certain adoption
lawyers and agencies. [If you want to
learn more about how to open records, contact
groups like
Bastard Nation for further information.]
- Many places have open
birth records for adult adoptees, among them:
Great Britain, Australia, Norway, New Zealand,
the states of Alaska, Kansas, Oregon, Vermont,
and many other places. If you want equal
rights as an adoptee, you can join other
adoptees, birthparents and adoptive parents who
are fighting for them.
- Once you have completed
your search and are settled in your reunion,
don't forget your adopted sisters and brothers
who may not be as lucky as you are.
Support the open records movement so that other
adoptees can have access to their heritage and
medical history, a right non-adopted people take
for granted.
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