| |
ADOPTEE |
BIRTH PARENT |
ADOPTIVE PARENT |
LOSS
|
Fear ultimate
abandonment; loss biological, genetic, cultural
history. Issues of holding on and letting go.
|
Ruminate about
lost child. Initial loss merges with other
life events; leads to social isolation; changes in
body and self-image; relationship losses.
|
Infertility
equated with loss of self & immortality.
Issues of entitlement lead to fear of loss of child
and overprotection. |
REJECTION
|
Personalize
placement for adoption as rejection; issues of
self-esteem; can only be chosen if first rejected.
Anticipate rejection; misperceive situations. |
Reject selves as
irresponsible, unworthy because permit adoption;
turn these feelings against self as deserving
rejection; come to expect and causes rejection.
|
Ostracized
because of procreation difficulties; may scapegoat
partner; expect rejection; may expel adoptee to
avoid anticipated rejection. |
GUILT/
SHAME
|
Deserving
misfortune; shame of being different; may take
defensive stance/anger. |
Party to guilty
secret; shame/guilt for placing child; judged by
others; double-bind; not okay to keep child and not
okay to place.
|
Shame of
infertility; may believe childlessness is curse or
punishment; religious crisis. |
GRIEF
|
Grief may be
overlooked in childhood, blocked by adult, leading
to depression or acting out; may grieve lack of
"fit" in adoptive family.
|
Grief acceptable
only short period but may be delayed 10-15 years;
lack rituals for mourning; sense of shame blocks
grief work. |
Must grieve loss
of "fantasy" child; unresolved grief may block
attachment to adoptee; may experience adoptee's
grief as rejection. |
IDENTITY
|
Deficits in
information may impede integration of identity; may
see search for identity in early pregnancies,
extreme behaviors in order to create sense of
belonging.
|
Child is part of
identity that goes on without knowledge; diminished
sense of self & self-worth; may interfere with
future parental desires. |
Experience
diminished sense of continuity of self; are not
parents. |
INTIMACY
|
Fear getting
close and risk reenacting earlier losses.
Concerns over possible incest. Bonding issues
may lower capacity for intimacy.
|
Difficulty
resolving issues with other birth parent may
interfere with future relationships; intimacy may
equate with loss. |
Unresolved grief
over losses may lead to intimacy/marital problems;
may avoid closeness with adoptee to avoid loss. |
CONTROL
|
Adoption alters
life course; not party to initial decisions;
haphazard nature of adoption removes cause and
effect continuum. |
Relinquishment
seen as out of control disjunctive event, interrupts
drive for self-actualization. |
Adoption
experiences lead to "learned helplessness" sense
mastery linked to procreation lack generativity. |